Teen Talk
The Parenting Teenagers Course was organised by HVMC’s Family Life Ministry and held over five Saturday mornings (from 6 April to 4 May). It was attended by 30 parents from HVMC and ACS (International), of which 13 of them helped to host and facilitate at the event.
We have 3 children, aged 16, 14 and 10 - and nothing could have prepared us for the challenges we are now facing with two of the three children firmly in their teens. So, we figured the course could help us with our issues. Here are just some of our key take-aways from the course:-
Principles
What kind of adult(s) do we want our teen(s) to be? With that in mind, we were better able to choose our battles, and put things in a clearer perspective.
Taking a long-term view was one of the common themes that resonated with us throughout the course, whether it was about making adjustments to our parenting styles, or choosing which battles are worth fighting, amongst others. Every part of the course contributed towards helping us to help our teenagers make good choices, and reinforcing the fact that we need to play an active part in their learning.
Practical tips
Numerous ready-to-use tools were shared each week, such as steps to take when handling and managing anger (theirs and ours), as well as what is helpful and unhelpful in our attempts to resolve conflicts over boundaries. We were also reminded about how praying for our teens on a regular basis enabled us to bring our concerns and fears to God.
Priorities
Before the course, we had come across the Love Languages, but had never actively used them in our family to maintain and build our relationship with our teens. One of the week’s “homework” was to map out the Love Languages of each of our family members. The exercise, in itself, was not only fun, but the discussions which followed over the dinner table with our children, helped to enlighten us all about each other. It helped them to understand and appreciate the course that Daddy and Mommy were taking to help us be better parents to them.
Parent-Peers
Small group sharing sessions with like-minded parents were nothing short of comforting, knowing that we were not alone in our struggles, and that we were all in this challenging parenting phase together. Candid sharing also helped us to build friendships and camaraderie amongst us, and allowed us to learn from each other as we realised that issues encountered with boys and girls, and different age groups of teens could all be different too.
Partnership
The partnership with our spouse was also strengthened through intentionally setting aside three hours every week to tackle a challenge we knew we both needed help with, having entered a new phase of marriage with teens in the household. We were constantly reminded that our relationship as a couple will also teach our teens how to choose relationships for themselves as adults in the future; it was indeed a powerful reminder, because, at the end of the day, “Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).
The 5-week (three hours per session) course was non-threatening, felt comfortable and was most definitely enabling. In fact, we were rather sad when the course came to an end, and that speaks for itself.
Dorothea & Adrian Chang
