Que Sera Sera — Or Is It?
Blood is the symbol of life. “For the life of a creature is in the blood” (Leviticus 17:11). We all know that if blood is expelled from our bodies unexpectedly, it means that something must be wrong.
Blood: bright red, fresh with clots was what I saw in the sink when a “rattle” in my upper chest made me get up to clear phlegm late on a Saturday night. A ruptured blood vessel as a result of coughing? Tuberculosis? Cancer of the lung? These different possibilities flashed through my mind as more spoonfuls of blood were coughed out. The medical doctor in me decided that I should not wait till the next morning to deal with this.
THE SHEER AMOUNT OF BLOOD SAW ME HAVING AN URGENT CT SCAN
At the hospital emergency department, a preliminary chest X-ray and blood tests revealed a “pristine” lung and no obvious infection. Whew! I was admitted for observation, and all seemed well after a day, so the medical team was ready to discharge me.
On the night before the planned discharge, I had another bout of haemoptysis (coughing out of blood). The sheer amount of blood saw me having an urgent CT scan at midnight, followed by plans for a bronchoscopy of my lungs to locate the source of the bleeding, and even take a biopsy if a tumour was seen.
This experience and the next four days in hospital gave me plenty of time to think, reflect and pray.
As I pondered the scripture passage chosen for HVMC’s 11th anniversary, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11), I did think momentarily: Was my health situation going to be a case of Que Sera Sera? Do I have to accept whatever the diagnosis is going to be with dreaded resignation and in an attitude of whatever will be, will be?
I LEARNED TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD
My answer was an emphatic NO! God’s promise in Jeremiah is an assurance to me and His promise. I choose faith over doubt. I have to trust in Him. Whatever the outcome of the tests, even if it was cancer, I know that God is with me, will walk with me and comfort me through any valley, however dark it may be.
My take home points from this whole experience (and I am happily home now!) are summarized in the WhatsApp message I sent to my family:
Our days are truly numbered. Make them count. Savour each day doing what gives meaning to our lives.
As a medical doctor, I dictate treatment plans for others. I, as a patient, could do nothing but wait upon the Lord and His wisdom to be with those who were treating me. The outcome would be God’s decision for me.
In His loving hands, I never panicked nor felt fear. I learned to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).
Lee Tang Yin
