Your Children & the Subject of Sexuality
On 1 Oct 2022, the HVMC Family Life Ministry organised a parenting workshop, “Having Difficult Conversations with Your Children”, conducted by Daniel Lim from TrueLove.Is, a ministry of 3:16 Church.
Daniel Lim
The workshop pointed out that as Christian parents, we are constantly confronted with challenges between the Christian view and the dominant worldview, especially on the topics of sexuality, morality, relationships and gender issues. While the latter tends to be formed by personal experiences, family, friends, media and science, the Christian view is based on theology and Biblical teachings, recognising that God loves us and desires the best for us and our children.
Our job as parents is to teach our children God’s ways.
Daniel Lim pointed out that we need to understand the various terms and phrases used concerning sexuality, gender and gender expression before we can effectively engage with our children and walk with them through conversations on these topics. Youths represent the future generation of our faith, and we must be equipped as Christian parents and leaders to talk and share with them, to ensure they do not succumb to a predominant worldview but adhere to a Christian one. Our job as parents is to teach our children God’s ways so that “… even when he is old he will not depart from it…” (Proverbs 22:6).
The workshop outlined some principles for engaging with our children - remain humble throughout and establish goals for what we are aiming to do. Matthew 7:3-5 reminds us not to judge others. We must also sharpen our skills of conversation and engagement through:
Active listening – Listen first, defer judgement, assess and try to understand the terms being used.
Clarifying words and definitions without making assumptions, ask questions instead of making statements
Responding without blaming
Finding closure through persuasion rather than imposition or pressure.
Being equipped to listen, affirm, demonstrate common ground, provide perspective and offer help or follow-up in these situations allow us to communicate sensitively and build relationships.
Truth and love are the key factors…we must speak the truth in love.
On the topic of sexuality, we must bear in mind that every person is a child of God and made in His image. We all have equal value in God’s eyes, and though we may not approve of our children’s sexual beliefs, we can affirm the person but not the action. He advised that we need to strike a balance between the “hospitable” and the “witness” approaches, as our goal is to build relationships and to be good witnesses for God. If we are only hospitable then we might mislead or misrepresent the Christian position. But, if we immediately testify the truth of God's Word, we might offend and cause a rift. The guideline is that in all circumstances, Truth and Love are the key factors. Love without Truth is not real Love. Truth without Love is also not real Truth. We must speak the Truth in Love. (Ephesians 4:15-16). We must be “… sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble…” (1 Peter 3:8-9, 14-17).
It was indeed a blessing to be able to attend the workshop and have the opportunity to learn how to handle this very important, relevant and sensitive topic.
Imelda & Mark Fyffe
